A Head of UX is supposed to create clarity, advocate for users, and cultivate empowered, resilient teams. But what happens when the one tasked with improving user experience becomes the reason employees dread logging in every day?
At the intersection of micromanagement, gaslighting, and performative empathy lies a deeper issue: leadership without accountability. This isn’t just about poor management—it’s about psychological exploitation wrapped in a professional title.
The Pattern of Undermining
From the earliest “performance talk”, the damage begins subtly:
- “You lack social skills.”
- “Your contributions aren’t strategic enough.”
- “That’s just part of your job.”
Such phrases aren’t feedback. They’re tools of erosion, designed to chip away at confidence while elevating the leader’s own control.
Over time, these tactics isolate high-performing individuals, making them feel replaceable, inadequate, or “too sensitive”.
Emotional Manipulation Masquerading as Connection
Imagine this: your new boss invites you out for drinks, opens up about childhood trauma, and moments later asks for money. You think it’s a bonding moment—but it’s actually the beginning of a trust extraction technique.
By lowering your guard emotionally, you’re more likely to:
- Share private information
- Comply with unreasonable requests
- Excuse toxic behavior
When such manipulation is then used to gatekeep promotions, divert credit, or assign access tasks beyond your role, it stops being anecdotal. It becomes systematic abuse of power.
What This Reveals About UX Culture Gaps
UX is supposed to be human-centered. Yet, within some UX teams, we still:
- Celebrate charismatic manipulators
- Allow emotional labor to go unpaid
- Let gatekeeping thrive under the banner of “leadership vision”
This must stop.
Action Steps for Teams in Toxic UX Environments
- Document everything: From Slack messages to meeting outcomes.
- Speak collectively: Isolated complaints are easier to dismiss.
- Push for HR frameworks that prioritize psychological safety.
- Consider exit strategies before your mental health suffers further.
- Shine light publicly (when safe): Toxicity festers in silence.
Conclusion:
A UX leader who destroys confidence isn’t a leader — they are a liability. To anyone feeling devalued, sidelined, or gaslit: your experience is valid. Your worth is not defined by a title above you, but by the integrity and excellence you carry every day.
You deserve better. And it’s okay to say: enough.