Why do we reach out?
Every message, call, or unexpected “ping” is more than a random event. Behind every communication lies a complex interplay of needs, emotions, and unconscious motives. The Communication Initiation Model by Claus Nisslmüller (CNI Model) decodes these hidden drivers and offers a framework that’s profoundly relevant for UX design, coaching, leadership, and personal introspection.
In this article, we’ll explore the five core phases of the CNI Model, translating its deep psychological logic into actionable insights for digital product teams, facilitators, and anyone seeking to understand the art of reaching out.
Impulse Phase: The Spark That Starts It All
Every act of communication begins with a stimulus—an inner or outer trigger that creates a state of restlessness or tension. This impulse may emerge consciously (“I need to resolve this”) or unconsciously (“I just called her without thinking”). For example, a sudden uneasy feeling, an unanswered question, a lingering silence, or a random image can all ignite the need to connect.
Key Function:
Emotional or cognitive dissonance builds up an internal tension, which then generates the urge for communication.
Transition:
Therefore, the impulse phase is the foundation. Without it, there’s no need, no itch, no outreach.
Motivation Core: Unpacking the Real Reason
However, not every impulse immediately becomes action. For communication to be initiated, the spark must meet an underlying motivation—the true “why” beneath the surface. The CNI Model identifies at least five categories:
| Category | Description | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Emotion | Feelings driving action | Longing, anger, anxiety |
| Cognition | Need for understanding, order, or control | “I have to make sense of this.” |
| Social | Desire for connection, status, or role clarification | “What is our relationship?” |
| Existential | Search for meaning, orientation, identity | “Who am I to you?” |
| Unconscious | Projection, triggers, repeated patterns | “I just can’t help myself.” |
Key Function:
These motives form the emotional and narrative basis for any communication. They shape the tone, timing, and goal of reaching out.
Transition:
Thus, understanding these root motives is essential for anyone designing interactions—be it a UX flow, a coaching intervention, or even a personal message.
Strategic Translation: Choosing Form and Timing
Meanwhile, the core motive must be translated into a specific communicative act. This is where self-image, relationship patterns, and psychological risk assessments play decisive roles.
Forms of Initiation:
- Direct: (“Let’s talk,” a straightforward message, a phone call)
- Indirect: (Sending a meme, “accidentally” reaching out)
- Symbolic: (Sharing music, making eye contact, a subtle post)
Key Function:
The chosen form reveals how open or encrypted the underlying motive is—depending on trust, fear, or power dynamics in the relationship.
Transition:
In addition, this phase is where UX and coaching strategies can directly influence outcomes: thoughtful interface prompts, open invitations, or safe spaces can all support healthier, more authentic communication.
Encounter Reaction: The Moment of Resonance
Once contact is initiated, a resonance moment follows: The other person responds—receptively, dismissively, with confusion, or perhaps not at all.
What happens next?
- The reaction can amplify or diminish the original motive.
- It strongly influences the course of future communication.
- It reflects back on the initiator’s self-image, impacting confidence and openness.
Key Function:
This phase often determines whether the exchange becomes healing, escalates, or simply repeats past cycles.
Transition:
Therefore, digital designers and coaches must recognize: every reaction is feedback. Microinteractions, tone, and immediate signals matter enormously in shaping trust and next steps.
Feedback Loop & Pattern Formation: Shaping the Relationship
Crucially, every communication attempt leaves an implicit trace in the relationship memory of both parties. Over time, this “archive” shapes:
- The emotional map (“What can I expect from you?”)
- The architecture of future communications (“How open can I be?”)
Long-term Outcomes:
- Patterns (e.g., power games, emotional withdrawal, co-dependency)
- Or new, conscious dynamics (e.g., trust, development, healthy boundaries)
Key Function:
Repeated experiences become expectations. These, in turn, set the stage for all future interactions—both online and offline.
Transition:
As a result, both UX systems and human relationships must be designed with intention, awareness, and space for positive pattern formation.
Conclusion: Communication as Psychological Revelation
“Every act of reaching out is a psychological act of exposure—it reveals that something within us seeks another person as answer, mirror, or catalyst.”
—Claus Nisslmüller, commonUX.org
Understanding the CNI Model helps UX professionals, coaches, and leaders move beyond surface behaviors. It empowers us to craft environments—digital or real—where authentic, healthy communication can flourish. Whether you’re designing a feedback prompt, facilitating a tough conversation, or simply reflecting on your own interactions, the five phases of this model offer a map to deeper human connection.